The Mental Side of SIBO

It's been nearly a year since I've written anything about SIBO. I feel compelled to share what's been going on the last few months because, frankly, it's been a struggle but not for the reasons you'd think. My perfectionist personality is turning SIBO treatment into a mental mindfuck.

For those who don't know, SIBO stands for Small Intestinal Bacterial Overgrowth. It's a treatable digestive issue that occurs when too much bad gut flora lives in the small intestine. It's treated by a) powerful hits of very expensive antibiotics or b) a longer, more holistic process with diet changes, antimicrobials and probiotics. I've been on the second path since January 2018, when I was formally diagnosed.

The diagnosis was a huge relief. I'd been bloated for years, super gassy and had low energy levels. When I learned that what was ailing me had a name, I threw myself fully into treating it. It started with the Candida Diet coupled with herbal antimicrobials or probiotics. The Candida Diet basically is: no sugar, no alcohol (unless its clear like gin or vodka), no gluten, no starchy veggies, and no dairy except Greek yogurt (since it's low in lactose). I stuck to this diet religiously, rarely cheating. That is, until August 2018.

By August, I was down to 125 lbs from a starting weight of 139 lbs. I felt great, wasn't bloated too often but still had occasional bouts. I could tell that the SIBO was still hanging on, but it was dramatically better. At the end of the month, I took a family trip to Europe. My doctor encouraged me to eat things that I'd been restricting myself from, mostly because I was on vacation and Europeans don't use as much shitty shit in their food. So, I did. I had wine and beer (not much though) and ate various things that I hadn't eaten in 8 months. Nothing made me sick or anything, and it was nice to take a break.

I've had a hard time coming back to restricted eating ever since. To be fair, doing a strict diet for 8 months is a long ass time so it makes sense that I'd be fucking sick of it.

Being restricted means that when I cheat, I cheat big. I'd just moved into a new place, was prepping for my first art show, and had several more vacations lined up so I basically just kept cheating – some days I went really nuts and other days I didn't but in general, I wasn't following any diet anymore.

Eventually, I weighed myself and I was back into the 130s. I was so disappointed in myself for allowing my eating to get "out of control"...(that's in quotes for a reason). I really felt this way but let's be honest, a few pounds is not a big deal but to my perfectionist brain, it was an epic fail.

In December, I went back to the doctor and she put me on a low FODMAP diet + some new antimicrobials to kill off any SIBO that had likely returned. I started my new regime and dropped some weight in the first two weeks and was generally feeling better. CUE ~ the holidays! I ate whatever I wanted at Christmas and have been on and off again ever since.